i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
