Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
