Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Randomize
