Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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