I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
