just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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