I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
