Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
