I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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