He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
