Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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