Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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