I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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