Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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