You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Randomize
