i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
