Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
