i was born a porn star she said
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
