Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
