you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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