Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
