the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Shame is for Republicans.
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