What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
