so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
