My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I think I just sharted jello shots
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
