So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
