Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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