Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
