True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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