I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
