Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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