hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
