Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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