its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
