sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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