the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
