oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Randomize
