found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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