walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
