There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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