please come you make the beer taste better
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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