you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
