Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
