Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
