Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
My feet surprised me
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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