Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
