Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
