Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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