she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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