Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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