Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
My vagina just recognized that song.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Randomize
